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chaos

September 25, 2012

it seems chaotic these days, at least for me.

there are alot of issues externally and internally that are coming to the forefront. and there is no masking of my response. it is a time of chaos. but with chaos, there comes, after the storm, the calm. it is ok to respond as i do. it is good to remain grounded with a body/mind practice.

i cannot help but think that there is a higher purpose in all of this.  in turbulent times, it is comforting to remember this.

there is alot of sharing of ideas, thoughts and experiences, though they are varying according to the expresser and the respondent.

it seems like there is polarity. that is, the grey areas are disappearing and things are becoming more black and white.

this is good thing, i think, in many ways because it helps to define what is true. what is true for me and what is true for you.

people talk about, the all oneness of life and how we are all the same.

i do not agree. i believe that we have all come or originated from the same place, but it is up to us to get along, or not depending on our individuality. we are all human, and as humans, we have our differences.

coping with the differences and with our humanness requires skill. it requires the ability to stand within ourselves and for what we believe in terms of the whole. this is not an easy thing.

it is ok to be different.it is ok to speak ones mind, it is ok to make decisions based one what one believes. it is ok to not agree. it is ok to be able to find ways that we can connect. it is not ok to give up what one believes for another. it is not ok to submit just because one wants to make peace with another. it is not ok to believe or do something just because someone else would like that. it is not ok not to speak because someone does not want to hear what you have to say.

everyday, in my work, in hospice, i see people who make choices. they make choices, according to what is true for them. sometimes the choices are in disconnection from what i see, is the physical realiry for them. but this is ok. someone can be dying and choose to want to have cpr or go to the hospital, even though there is nothing that can be done there for them. it is their choice. they are dying and they want to live. i do not try to change their minds. this is something they have to reconcile on their own.

other folks see that they are dying and accept this. they make peace with the process, the unknown and the chaos and still seem, somehow to do what it is they want to do. they have goals and by golly, they try to achieve these goals, despite the chaos going on in their lives. i do not try to change them either. i try to provide the support they need to achieve their goals.

being present with this, i am able to allow for what a person wants even if it goes against every intuition and understanding that i have about the situation.

the translation in my daily life, is a bit more difficult. i understand, intellectually about sovereignty. in practice it is more difficult.

perhaps it is because, i am not a garden variety type of person.  most people i meet, i find are different from me in many, many ways. i see the inside. many people see the outside. my analogy is a cereal box, that has a great look, but inside, the cereal is less than ideal. packaging is not everying. sometimes the cereal box may be plain but the cereal is the best.  i look for common ground and i see people looking for what they know already. it is sort of the parochial, provinchial view, being afraid of anyone/thing that is different. i am who i am, no holds barred, meaning i am who i am at any given moment, at least these days, and people i have known like me to be who they think i have been before, predictable.

i find people like nice, smiley, happy, pretty people who can help them. they are less than welcoming to people who have opinions that are outside the box, who speak their minds, who are not smiley, happy and  pretty all the time. and that is fine. but that is not who i am these days.

i am going with the flow of my life. and to some it may look messy and chaotic. to me it looks real and fine. and you can support and stand with me if you like. and if you dont, i totally understand, it is about you and not me.

grateful to be alive and kicking in these swirling times.

peace,

jill

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