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touching

February 27, 2015

touch can be healing or it can be unwanted and traumatizing. I have experienced both.

like because I exist, I can be touched unwantedly because of my gender. like I am a property or a thing and not a human being. it is amazing to me that gender is all it takes for this to be my experience.  it is not what I do, say or who I am.  it is totally disgusting and fucked up. it is amazing to me that people of the male gender feel they have permission without asking. like you can touch my ass or my breast without asking.  it has happened time and time again.  sometimes I have called people on it, other times, in my earlier days, I was not aware of the game and did not know what to do. teachers especially have an obligation to show up and stand for all people, but my experience is that some  have been with me lecherous.  like they have the game and control their game with students. such as is with the bikram yoga founder, and I totally get the allegations being on the table.

I know about healing touch. I have been a massage therapist. I have had many women clients and they have been wanting to learn how to heal. I have taught self care and some aromatherapy and these women have thrived. I have had mens try and play the game, their game.  I told them about boundaries. apparently mens don’t know about boundaries or they just try and push it.  no game in my massage business, but time and again I saw this. I cant teach those who don’t want to learn, the dominant culture. but still being  called at 12 am or 1am by mens , like I am an outcall and you can guess what they want is not my offering.

I know about healthy touch but in the game of life there are many mens who don’t respect me, the aspect of massage, healthy touch, or women in general.  I guess they are SOL.

and fifty shades of no boundaries does not help women, in the massage business or anywhere. until mens get a grip and respect women doing massage or healing of any kind without a sexual experience expected, I am gone from the experience of their expectations. because I only do massage and healing work with friends now.

peace

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