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2 time gal

March 29, 2015

don’t know why, but I have been this way for a long time.

like, I will give you a second chance, just cause I can  and because I used to think that all people deserve second chances.

like, I will revisit another relationship or  living location again, thinking that before it was different, and that I was different, and that somehow that I have changed and it would work.

both have proven to be foul and untrue.

yes, I believe some people do deserve second chances, and some don’t. 001 not so across the board now.  discerning and using my intuition, and of course the people in my heart always do, no matter what. learning people most, and the world does not give me a second chance, learning that people and  the world could care less about my gender or circumstances. you got $$ ? the world always give you chances. you white and male? the world always gives you a hella lot of chances.

yes, I do believe when I revisit another relationship or situation, after time past, that I have changed. because this is what I do best. but I have found that others don’t do this as well as I do. in this it does not matter that I have changed, or it does, but it matters more that the situations and people have not changed.

just realizing in the wake of a conversation this week, my patterns and got to save myself before going into another situation for the second time because, I thought it would be different.  I am, but it wont.  I saved myself from a lot of heartache, time, expense and misery.

maybe, I am really learning from the patterns that I physically create, like knitting, crochet, or painting? or maybe,  in speaking with people who are there and hearing, and having them listen, I finally get it.  I don’t know and I don’t care why.  I do care that I have finally received the message.

in this, there is an new opportunity that has presented itself and I will go and check it out.

moving forward and not forward and backwards again and again, at last.

peace

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