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a dysfunctional death

May 6, 2015

sometimes death, not sudden death, but death that is known coming down the road can be ugly. most of what I see is where there can be and is healing, but not always the case.

families dysfunction and anxiety etc can have an effect on the dying person, who may have their own stuff to deal with. it seems unfair that families create this because of their neediness, but nonetheless, it happens.

a recent case, I have witnessed is an example. when I went into the home, it was palpable. there was anger, there was denial, there was anxiety, there was fear, there was trying to fix. as a colleague said, when they went in, it was mindboggling and so difficult to sort and be present as they were meant to be. saying, in plain language, it was over the top even for a seasoned, trained person who does this all the time. this was my experience too.

how do you want to go? do you want to be at peace? are your relationships cool. or do you not want people there who will create a messy death for you?

I am thinking about questions like this now. I don’t want messy, needy, or  people who don’t have a clue around me. I don’t want people who are angry, passive aggressive or want to feel guilty. I don’t want drama. if this means limiting people, I will. and I tell this to people all the time.

so much dysfunction in some families, that it gives me reason to pause and think. what do I want?

and birth is the same sometimes. and death is a birth of sorts. so to all those having babies, think of these things too.

I get to choose and so do you, if you want.

personally, I hope to have a party death. its too soon to plan though.



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